Only a very few people knew that we are actually trying to have another baby. I am in my late thirties and hubby in his early forties, and realize that our kids are getting older and if we wanted to expand, now was our time to try. We placed our trust in the Lord and waited. Mid August 2016 we found out we were expecting. September 6th we found out the baby had stopped developing. Total confusion and disbelief set in. How? Why? This can’t be happening to us!
Someone shortly after said, oh you might not have meant to be pregnant but it’s still sad you lost the baby. That hit a raw spot in my heart. We did desire to be pregnant. We did want to expand our family. Even with already having four children living on one income and times being tight, our hearts desired to love and care for another. We knew God was bigger than our paycheck and knew that He would provide accordingly. We had faith in Him then, and still have faith in Him now. No matter what our future brings we know that He can be trusted and that He has good in store for us. We are being renewed day by day and wait expectedly for what His will is.
Today, March 15, marks the six month anniversary of my miscarriage. Looking back over the past six month after losing the baby, life seems very surreal. It sometimes seems like it never really happened, almost like a really bad nightmare and other times it hits me hard. I was pregnant. I was carrying a baby for several months. I did lose a baby. A sweet baby the Lord had blessed our family with. A baby that was very much loved and wanted by us all.
“Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. ” (2 Corinthians 4:1)
I would be about 38 weeks if I were still pregnant. Nathan, our 16 year old, was born at 38 weeks and the others between 38-39 weeks, so realistically we could have a newborn any day now. Sigh. But God had different plans for our family. Instead of him/her coming home with us, the Lord decided to bring him/her home to heaven. I know our baby is waiting on us with Jesus now, that doesn’t take the pain away totally, but it does give me hope!
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” (2 Corinthians 4: 8-9) We are overcoming this only by His grace and mercy.
All things work together for our good! All circumstances, whether pleasurable or not, all heartaches, all highest of high moments, and the lowest of the low. All things are for our benefit! Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
We are dependent creatures, who we are set apart for good works, and are being molded and shaped by the mighty work of God from the inside out. Once we plant this firmly in our hearts and minds we can have peace with whatever life brings our way and be comforted by our creator.. This life, this world, these struggles that we are faced with aren’t about us and making much of us, it’s about making much of Jesus. We are to be focused on bringing glory and praise to the one who created us and loved us enough to die in our place on the cross at Calvary.
From the loss of my Dad two months after having my youngest daughter, heartache of all shapes and sizes, to my sweet husband working out of town alot and being a busy mom of four. To moving hours away from all family and friends for my husbands job change, to a double cancer diagnosis in a close family member (currently in remission praise the Lord), to a miscarriage and all other life in between.
All very real joys and struggles that I personally have had to deal with over the past eight years or so. But no matter where I found myself, the Lord was near and had goodness in store of me. He is also near all those who call on His name, anytime, day or night. Sickness or in health. There is comfort in knowing that truth. Call on the One who cares in your time of need. If I can pray for you, please contact me and it will be my pleasure to pray for you.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.”