August 18th we found out we were expecting our fifth child. What a joy and shock to learn that God has blessed our family once again. That’s truly how we felt, overjoyed because we know many families that have endured for months, if not years, through fertility issues. At times I felt very unworthy and not qualified to have another child but a dear friend reminded me that those thoughts are lies from the enemy of our souls that comes to confuse and steal our joy. We were hopeful though, to see how God was going to work in our lives as we went from a family of six, to a family of seven.
Many times over the next few weeks I was reminded just how good God is and just how He has everything taken care of. He wants nothing more that his children to seek Him in all circumstances and rely solely on Him. I was reminded that we must keep our eyes on Him and on things above and not on the things around us or the situations that we are placed in. Colossians 3:2 says “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” I was reminded to pray even more for all of my children and plead to the God of heaven for His hand of favor to be upon them. The ones here and the one growing inside of me. I was trying to remember to be thankful every single day that I had with them. Even if it wasn’t the best of days and I was at my wits end over a decision one of them had made or the latest bad attitude I was faced with by my beautiful twelve year old.
September 6th our world as we knew it came crashing down when we found out that our sweet baby didn’t have a heartbeat. He/she was already gone on to be with the Lord. We would not be bringing home a baby come spring. We would not experience all of the ups and downs of pregnancy. The thrill of learning the gender and choosing a perfect name was taken away. The excitement of shopping for tiny little clothes and diapers were fading away before they really began.
That was one of the lowest of the low points in my life, next to losing my Daddy seven years ago. I hated the feelings I was feeling. I hated the thoughts that I had. I was so scared and didn’t know where to turn to for help. Many times I prayed but didn’t really know what to say, I just called out His name. Jesus. Jesus. It brought comfort and peace. I told a friend that I was holding on to hope as best as I could but at times I left it slipping away. She reminded me that there is ALWAYS hope in Jesus.
21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”
25 The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
Lamentations 3:21-25 spoke right to my hurting heart. I was reminded that my hope was in Him and Him alone. Nothing of this world could soothe or help me and the hurt I experienced. Only the maker of my soul could ease the hurt and calm the fears inside.
Psalm 94:19 reads, When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul. Jesus was my comfort, my sympathy, my relief, my help, my support, and my encouragement. He can be yours too, just reach out to Him. Call on his perfect and precious name. Jehovah Shammah, He is our ever present Lord God. He never left my side and never will.
Twenty-nine short days we had you with us sweet baby Liberty. We love you and will never forget you or the impact your life made on our lives.